New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions

- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

- I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.

- I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.

- I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

- I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

- Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.

- I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....

- I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.

- I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).

- I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

- I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

- I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

- I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

- I will think of a password other than "password."

- I will not tell the same story at every get together.

- I won't worry so much.

- I will cut my hair.

- I will grow my hair.

- I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

- I will be more imaginative.

- I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks.

- I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

Resolutions that i Would be Tempted to Keep...

- Spend more time watching TV / movies.

- Chat more over phone / Internet.

- Read less.

- I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.

- Stop exercising. Waste of time.

- Procrastinate more.

- Drink. Drink some more.

- Start being superstitious.

- Spend more less time at work.

- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

- Take up a new habit: Maybe smoking!